Neanderthals…yep, those red headed folks that lived thousands of years ago. Some see them as odd past people with a huge cranium and a mutated  MCR1 gene causing the pale scale and red hair. I see them trend setters.

Most Neanderthals are depicted as dumb brutes. It has, however, been proven that they used tools, ceremonially buried their dead, and had BBQs (or used fire at least). They were not Modern Humans, just close relatives, with their DNA differing 0.12% from ours. But because there is evidence that we co-inhabited the earth, if we learned anything from them it was style.

Their physical characteristics were unique with a large brow and sharp jaw line. This was perfect for a stylish beard. Our ancient relatives were intelligent enough to shave but smart enough not to. The fact that they had pale skin, helping with absorption of Vitamin D, since they didn’t have Soy milk back then, may mean the beard or body hair was a way to regulate fatigue due to the Sun’s radiation. In the winter it keep their skin less chafed. These are all important adaptions from the antique people, beards pose year round benefits.

It has been shown, in October 2011 by A.V. Parisia, that a full beard and mustache combination can block up to 95% of harmful sun rays. This means you can help prevent melanoma by just not shaving (see Beard Season)! After summer and a pleasant fall comes with all of the allergies in tow. The filtering properties of a full mustache can help prevent the pollen from hitting your sinuses and making them explode. In addition facial hair can prevent dry, sore throats when the cold really hits. The warming properties help combat chilling winter winds. In the end a beard is one of the most beneficial things our body produces naturally.

Though the Neanderthals are not quite Homo Sapiens they are 100% trend setters. From the beard to the high pony tail, they had it going on. Perhaps without them, we wouldn’t be here due to illness or maybe we would just still be wearing jncos and middle parts.


Written by Jeffrey Bruckwicki




  1. Chris M

    October 30, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Wait, is it not okay to have a beard AND wear Jncos?

    • Jeffrey Bruckwicki

      October 30, 2014 at 3:12 pm

      If one still has a pair of jncos I would assume they would be displayed proudly in a shadow box.


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